We don’t speak the same language even when we’re speaking the same language

Victor and I have been married for over 20 years and still we find ourselves using phrases that the other person swears we’ve just made up even though we each insist that it is a well-known family idiom and that’s why I need to see if either of us are right. So here are the beginnings of several phrases we’ve each heard since we were little that the other says is insane. If you know the answers leave them in the comments and let me know if there are phrases you use that other people think you just made up.

“If you have to ask ___ ___ ___ ___.” (Usually said in an antique store.)

“I told that jack-ass exactly how the cow ___ ___ ___.”

“If it was a snake ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.”

“That poor girl looks rode hard ___ ___ ___ ___.”

“That dumbass is happy as a dead pig ___ ___ ___.”

“I’m sweating like a ___ ___ ___.”

“You’re not gonna keep me waiting ’til the cows ___ ___.”

“Oh, bull ___.” (This is what you’d say if you were in front of children rather than “bull shit”.)

“Close only counts in ___ ___ ___ ___ ___.”

“I should make my deadline, lord willing and ___ ___ ___ ___.”

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